“You are a Strong Woman”

“You are a Strong Woman”

“Because you are a strong woman”.. is the response to my question “why don’t people care for me, think that I might need a hug or think that I am hurting?”.  Why do they see and care for others, but I am not even a thought in their head?  “Because you are a strong woman” is the response to “why don’t people come alongside me, ask me how I am doing, sit with me, listen to me, guard me from those who judge me…. Because apparently, I am “A Strong Woman”.

Am I a robot? is my heart a piece of metal, maybe I don’t have one?  Maybe I don’t have tear ducts, and my skin is made of wood, so no pain is felt.  If that were true how can I look after you?  I am designed for love, don’t you feel it, see it, experience it?  Who is the person you call when you are hurting and in pain?  Who listens, encourages, stands alongside you and has your back?

I am strong and brave and competent because I have to be!  I push trough my fears and anxiety, the worry and the doubt because I want to care for you.  I must ignore the internal cries of “I can’t do this!” because I love you.  I am designed to love, to care, to nurture, to fight for you, to arm you for this battle of life.  So even though you may scream, may walk away, may ignore me and I am hurt to the core, I will continue to stand up for you, teach you responsibility.  I hold your hand in the hospital, I cry every time you are hurt (sometimes in private), your pain causes my heat to weep.  I stand firm on Gods battleground and bear arms for you, pray for you, believe that good is instore for you.

I don’t care because I have to, I care because my heart dances when you flourish, when you overcome the next hurdle, when you achieve a dream.  Unconditional love is about giving when there is no expectation of return.  I admit sometimes I want return!  Sometimes I want the shoe to be on the other foot, sometimes I want to be noticed and you  to say “how are you doing today”.  Sometimes I feel invisible and sometimes I even get angry “why don’t you even see or consider me!”.  Its like that song “what about me?”.  Am I a thought to be had when you are hurting but not when you are celebrating.  Does the guiding that you don’t want to hear, reduce me to the rank of second, third, fourth or fifth on the guest list?  Good enough for caring, support and love, but not on the “fun” or “to be cared for” list?

Sometimes I get lost, and I don’t know who I am.  I lose sight of the things that matter to me and what I like doing, the cry of “who am I” echos around the vacuum of what is important to me.  In my heart I want to always care and I want to always be there for you.  If I am not, its not because I don’t love you or care about you, its because sometimes I have to take care of me, because if I am not doing okay, if I am hurting and in pain, then how can I truly bring the best of me to encourage and support you?

I denounce the claim “You are a strong woman” if it means I don’t need to be seen and people to recognise that I might just need some care myself.  I do get hurt, I may not show it how you think it should be shown, I may not cry or weep or sit slumped in my chair, BUT my heart is likely weeping and crying out for someone to notice.  I am strong and brave and competent but please don’t use those words as judgement.  My strength allows me to care for you, to love you, to keep fighting for you and if you don’t want that, that is okay.  I still love you anyway.  I know that I will always be judged and often stand alone and battle weary.  But I will continue to do it whether you understand, love me, care for me or not.

To the “strong, loving, caring, battle worn women” take a breath, know you are loved, you do matter, and you are more than enough, God says so! Make yourself a cuppa and get yourself a treat, take that walk, movie, swim, manicure, spa, retreat or whatever it is that is right for you.  You deserve the break.